


But what if...?

by valerierosemberg



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Caring Castiel, Closeted Dean, Cooking Lessons, Dean Loves Pie, Domestic, Established Relationship, Everyone is Queer, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, Homophobic John Winchester, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kinda Slow Build, M/M, Memories, Men of Letters Bunker, Minor Violence, No Incest, Older Sibling Dean Winchester, Older Sibling Sam Winchester, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Parallel Universes, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Pie, Sam Ships It, She ships it, Slow Build, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, What-If, Winchester Sister, but at the same time no, did i mentioned, eventual destiel, lots of chick flick moments, no trials, not hunting at first, quite domestic at first, sometime after they arrive to the bunker, still hunters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:19:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valerierosemberg/pseuds/valerierosemberg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A strange box is delivered to the bunker and both brothers discover something that has little relevance now. Except it does.</p><p>Dean feels nostalgic for someone he never met and wishes to know what could've happened; he gets an answer, but one change always brings more and from billions of different outcomes, he stumbles with this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The box

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't help writing this, I just love sister fics.
> 
> I apologize in advance for not uploading very constantly or consistently, but my mind and my life are two big messes, but I'll probably start to upload a lot next month, no promises though.

The box sits there, closed, in the middle of the large table, right in front of the two brothers who look at it with pursed lips. It had appeared out of nowhere at their door, no signs of delivery or people around it.

A sigh from the youngest breaks the silence and he stands up, heading to the object.

-It's been almost an hour Dean. I don't think there's anything dangerous inside.

The addressed furrows his eyebrows, going behind his brother slowly.

-Fine. But if something jumps out of there, I'm gonna let it eat you.

Only a huff responds to those words before the package is opened.

His hands move inside, trying to find something relevant.

-There's nothing here, man. Just a bunch of papers.

The other joins him on the search, not bothering with reading until his sight falls on a known name.

-Wait.

He takes it out of the box, tilting his head in confusion.

-What is it?

Reading it, his eyes widen, his companion trying to get his attention.

-Dude, this is a birth certificate; and it has mom and dad's names.

Another look of turmoil crosses the young Winchester's face.

-Why would someone drop a box with useless papers and one of our birth certificates?

The document is presented in front of him.

-Well, unless one of us suffered some major changes, it's not one of ours.

Watching intently at the details, the name of the child catches his attention.

-Alexandria Winchester?

Nodding, the older points a finger to the recognizable names.

-Name of the father, John Winchester; name of the mother, Mary Winchester.

Returning his sight to the paper, Sam's surprise grows.

-This was five months after I was born.

His brother looks at him and then at the object he's holding.

-But how could she be born after five months of mom giving birth? I sure as hell don't remember a sister.

The document returns to Dean.

-That's because she died before being born.

The words he's presented with say the girl had died with four months of gestation.

-What kind of sick hospital forces parents who just lost their child to name them?

Rising his eyebrows and shrugging, Sam returns his attention to the box.

-Apparently this did. All these are medical exams mom probably did after the baby died.

Dean looks further into the package, fishing out two pictures, one was of both his parents and another portrayed him, holding his brother and smiling happily.

-Why do you think this popped out of thin air?

Brows furrowed, the tall man shakes his head and returns the papers.

-I don't know. Maybe someone tries to mess with us; maybe we should call Cas.

His older brother holds his breath, lost of words momentarily at the simple mention of the name and trying not to think about the angel so he doesn't show up.

But he should look more into this before calling his friend.

-I'll call him in the morning, right now I think I need some rest.

Before he gets any answer, he takes the box and heads to his room, leaving a confused man behind.

He has been an hour reading the papers when he stumbles with an ultrasound displaying a blurry image of the unborn fetus.

Something inside him spreads warmth when he thinks that could've been his sister, but his heart sinks when he remembers she isn't.

He always says he has always had enough with one sibling, watching over him and raising him as they grew up, but the prospect of having more company always made him excited; even when he had met Adam, the boy gave him a sense of protection and familiarity- and he had barely met him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell-o again!
> 
> Before you ask if you were going to ask, yes, you can get pregnant within a month -I believe 28 days- after giving birth.
> 
> Aaand...this will probably be a little long and I suck at making long chapters because I love "suspense" and mic-dropping, but I'll try and make some chapters long.


	2. Wait...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See what I did there?

...

He falls asleep with the picture still in his hand and papers scattered on his bed.

He wakes up under his covers, only on his boxers and hair ruffled by the pillow.

Stirring, he gets up, just bothering with a pair of sweatpants, and heads to the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep off his face.

The smell of butter helps his sight to focus and his stomach grumbles, speeding his pace.

The first thing he looks at when he arrives his to destination is a woman with short and wavy, hazelnut hair, long legs -still quite shorter than him- , wearing a gray oversized hoodie -which he swears he has seen on Sam -that covers almost half her bare thighs. She's moving her naked feet at the beat of an unheard song as she stirs something on the stove and smiles.

Did his brother bring a chick to the bunker? The simple thought of that question makes him feel uncomfortable for some reason.

She turns around, her grin now directed to him.

-Hey! Someone woke-up before midday on a non-hunting day!

Her voice rings familiar to him, but he could swear he has never heard it before.

But then it hits him, she just mentioned hunting...

-Uh...I'm s...

Before he asks the question, steps sound towards them and a known voice calls from right outside the door.

-Lex! I thought you were going to let me cook breakfast today-

Sam enters the room, wearing blue pajama pants and a matching t-shirt, bumping into his brother.

-Yeah well, I woke-up hungry, and you were still knocked-out after trying to read the other half of the library last night.

The man huffs, turning to the other with surprise.

-You're awake!

At his words the eldest rolls his eyes and tries to remain focused.

He has no time to bring the subject again, for the green eyed girl turns off the stove, placing its contents on a plate already flooding with other pancakes; she hands him the plate, giving the other brother a milk jug and takes a stack of dishes herself and manages to also balance the toppings -chocolate syrup, honey and jam- for their food.

-Hurry up, I'm hungry!

He obeys despite his turmoil, placing the breakfast on the table, his companions finishing the assembly and the silverware already on the table.

-Wait, first thing's first.

Raising his hand to stop the movement, he looks at the two persons seriously; but as if the Universe would like him in silence, fluttering wings and solemn voice sound.

-Hello Dean. Sam, Alex.

He nods at the others, but his sight returns immediately to Dean with something that makes him smile back at him, stomach fluttering...more than usual.

But then the angel frown getting close on a fast pace. The stares around him waiting for something, anything to signal them.

-There's something wrong with him.

His look examines him whole, worry filling his face.

He nods.

Then, two pairs of hands grab his arms on his back and the angel knocks him out with a touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> Missed me?! Probably not!
> 
> Who the heck is she? Why the heck is Cas looking with those lovely...bluest...honey filled...uhm...weird at him? And why did he said there was something wrong with him?!  
> Why isn't anyone letting poor Dean ask his damned questions?!
> 
> To compensate the short length of the chapters, I uploaded today and might do it as the week goes.  
> Still no promises.
> 
> Feel free to comment.


	3. The interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their questions are finally answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll notice that I change the pov from third person to first when someone -Dean- is dreaming. You'll see that quite often during the fic, hope you don't mind.

...  
-She's small, dad. Are you sure she'll be fine?

I'm worried, I don't want to ruin this.

Dad grins, but then returns to his normal expression.

-She will be, as long as you keep her safe.

...  
He wakes tied to a chair placed on the secret room of the bunker, a light hurting him when he tries to focus on the people in front.

-He passed all the tests we know of. What's wrong with him?

Sam's voice is alarmed, his brother can almost imagine it showing all over his face.

He's trying to think of a way out, but after only seconds, he gives up.

-Can I as what was that for?

There's a rough tone on his voice, showing his annoyance.

Steps come closer and small bare feet stop in front of him; he focuses on her, recognizing her delicate features, even now that anger fills them. The words from his dream returning clearly, "Keep her safe".

-Where's my brother?

Her words sting him and his head hurts without him knowing why.

-Your...your brother?

Black dress shoes join beside hers.

-Are you Dean?

The blue orbs fixed on him and the pink lips extended on a line make him gulp and stare at the floor insctintively before he finds any response.

-Of course I'm Dean, Cas. What's going on? Who are you?

The last question is directed to the unkown -yet familiar- face.

She clenches her fists, turning around, the angel following.

-What the hell is wrong?

A deep sigh is heard.

-I don't know Alex, he seems like himself, but someting's off.

This irritates him, not knowing what's happening and them not explaning.

-I'm Dean Winchester. My parents John and Mary Winchester, my brother, Sam; we've gone to Hell and back more often than not. Damn, our own lifes are hell...

His voice raises, but it stops when the woman returns, looking down at him.

-Fair enough; answer me three questions only my brother knows. When's my birthday?

He looks at her in disbelief, waiting for her to say something else, but she doesn't.

-Lady, I don't know you. Why would I know when's your birthday?

She seems to be losing her temper, raising an eyebrow after a moment.

-I'm your...Dean's sister, you dumbass.

There's that feeling again, but what the hell is she talking about?

-Sister? I don't have any sister. It has always been me and Sam...

"They are your responsability now..." his father's voice repeats.

The other men know her, they called her Lex, Alex...

-A-Alexandria?

She looks done, rubbing her temples with her long fingers and sighing before answering.

-Yes! Duh.

He can barely believe what he hears, his sibling; that girl he had wished he could've met...

What the hell...

-Wow, wait. Look, I really am Dean, but I'm telling the truth, I have no sisters, just one baby brother.

Before she answers, the angel nods and walks forward.

-I think I might know what happened.

Then there's silence and everyone -included himself- waits for a continuation.

-Well...

Sam's the one who pushes him to continue.

-He is Dean, just that he's not exactly our Dean. It is possible that sonething might have made him travel from another plane of existance.

Somehow they all understand him and stop to process the information.

Dean somehow finds himself thinking longer on the highlight on the word "our" that makes his beating stronger.

-So, you're saying he's from a Universe where I don't exist?

The woman recieves a nod from the other.

-That's why I sensed something wrong with him but couldn't know what it was.

She smiles mockingly at no one.

-Well, he doesn't have an awesome little sister, it does suck being him.

Before he knows, he's rolling his eyes and smirking lightly.

-Wait, but we still need to know he's really him.

She tilts her head, thinking and starring into the man in front.

-Okay, first question: Why did dad bought the Impala?

He smiles; Baby's still here.

-Because I convinced him to. If it weren't for that, we'll be going full-on Mystery Wagon.

Sam chuckles lightly at that.

-When was Jess's birthday?

She doesn't look comfortable asking that, but with a sqeeze of the tall man on her shoulder, she breaths out.

-January 24th, just like mine.

Eyebrow rise and he's feeling satisfied.

-What did mom used to tell you when she tuck you in?

Dean grins directly at Cas, forgetting the ropes around him when he recieves a look back.

-She used to say angels were watching over me.

The angel smiles a little, noding before looking away.

The two men look at the girl happily, but she steps closer with a serious face.

-One more question.

At simple view, she looks like marble, but he can sense a tint of sadness.

-Shoot.

She sighs with eyes closed and then focusses them on him, bright green clouded.

-Was dad...was he a good father?

He wasn't expecting that, he was ready for any question about Sam, about Bobby -hell, even about Cas-, but not about John, or at least not that one.

His mind struggles amd he stares at the invisible walls drenched in darkness that surround him; he can feel the restrains tight on his skin from the awkward movements he tries to make and he can swear they tied a new one around his neck and are pulling it.

He has to talk.

-Years ago, I would've said he did his best.

Her sight turns hard and her jaw stiffens; he knows that look well.

-And Sam would've given me the same look you are giving me now. -sigh- Was he a good man? Maybe. A good hunter? Hell yes. But a good father?

He shakes his head, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

-No. Or at least he wasn't to me, or Sam, and by the look on your face, I see he wasn't to you either; damn, he probably even gave you a harder time considering you're a woman.

She smirks sadly, giving him a silent "yes".

-So, no. Dad didn't do his best, and he had no other excuse for what he did. Maybe every path was the same, maybe it would've always end here because or fate or whatever, but that man only lost his wife; we lose our mother, our father, our home and our childhood. He owed us a whole shit more than what he gave.

His voice cracked at last and he could feel his tears welling on his sight.

When he looks at her, she's crying, drying some of the water with her right sleeve.

He barely rationalizes it, he just feels the need to comfort her and he struggles once again with the rope.

-It's okay, untie him.

The others do as she says and he can feel the tension leaving his extremities and the flow of blood returning to them at a normal pace.

He stands up, surprise showing on his face.

-How come that convinced you?

She stands back, heading for the exit, but turns at him just before she exits.

-Because that's exactly what my brother said.

She sighs and nods, fighting more tears angrily.

-We should go back, food's getting cold.

She walks out of the room, angel and brothers stepping behind her quietly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, here it is!  
> This is longer than what I'm used to, but felt the whole scene had to be together, even when a part of me wanted to leave it just as she asked John's question.
> 
> So, I don't really liked John as a father, even when I understand the why's and how's, I still think he was quite a shitty dad, so I really hope that's not an issue with you; I try and write this as how I see it on the show.
> 
> Anyway, long chapter, long note.  
> Hope you like this chapter, I'll probably be more active -maybe- after Wednesday.  
> I have a couple of really awful exams, so wish me luck!
> 
> Feel free to comment.  
> Kay, Bye!


	4. Sorry, what?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of breakfast, break outs and breakdowns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fam, you okay?  
> I haven't seen season 11, just small bits, and absolutely haven't seen any spoilers from the finale, but I know it was aired and I've seen a couple of comments saying it kinda hurt...
> 
> Anyway, here's some funny breakfast Winchester style!

...  
When they arrive to the table, the food is still in place; they sit quietly, Sam next to his sister and Cas on her other side, Dean sight next to him.

They eat with an awkward silence around them, except for the few times Dean has to stop himself from moaning with his mouth full because of the taste and instead coughs, side eying the angel who seems to be looking at everything but him.

After they're done, they stare at their empty plates as if they could give them some sort of conversation starters.

He gets tired of it and finally speaks.

-So, uhm, a sister. Huh?

She's looking intently at him, completely serious.

-Yeah, she's like...half a year younger than me.

His brother's voice answers and she turns at him, eyebrows raised and a big smile on her face.

-Seven months, I'm not that old.

She takes out her tongue at him when he rolls his eyes and he leaves out a laugh, making their companion smile; he felt a familiar feeling at watching the two, as if this was something that was a part of their rutine.

-Yes, they do that often.

His thoughts are interrupted by the proximity of the angel's voice and face. His eyes open slightly, same as his mouth, mind completely in blank; the other man lets his look wander off to his mouth, nut then quickly fixes it on the floor and then at the table.

-I-I'm sorry Dean.

He hadn't noticed the silence that filled the table nor can he remember when the stares of his siblings fixed on the interactions, but he can tell now, by the way they're smiling -and by the way Alexandria clears her throat-, that he's missing something.

-Want some time alone?

With a quick motion, Cas gets up and within a blin, he's gone leaving him wide eyed and the other two bursting out in giggles.

A confussed man stares at them, expecting an answer.

-Uhm...someone care to explain?

Between their fit, both try to talk, but nothing comes out clearly. After a few moments, they calm down.

-Well, you know...

Sam stops and his sister looks at her watch.

-This is the longest you two have been without sticking your faces together.

That instantly earns babbles and wide opened green eyes.

Blood rushes to his face and reaches his ears, his mind's blank, his heart is racing and his hands are sweaty.

-What?

The woman looks at him and at the signs showing on his paralized form. He can feel another stare studying him.

-Uh...Lex, I think.

He expression changes to an altered one and her look goes from him to the other.

-No. Oh dear, Dean. Please tell me you're not still in the closet.

She rubs her temples when his answer is a couple of stranggled sounds completely innaudibles.

-Well, that makes sense.

All the heads turn to the long haired, Alex's still half covered with her hands.

-How can that make any sense?

Her voice reaches a higher pitch and her tone raises, making their ears hurt a little and returning her older brother the ability to talk.

-Wow, wait. No. No. No. N-o. I-I have no idea what you mean, I have no closet to come out of; I-I don't. No.

He rushes, his hands shaking nervously as well as his legs.

She huffs, standing and walking towards him.

-Really? So, tell me. Did you and dad had a fight when you were 16?

His thoughts refuse to focus, his mind seems like it's about to explode and he starts to feel like he's overheating. Then, something drips from his nose.

-Dean? Are you...

-Dean!

His siblings call, but his vision blurries amd it turns back.

-Cas! Come, now!

She screams while holding his unconscious body close. The angel appears and kneels to check the man.

-He just passed out. We need to take him to his room.

Without waiting, he takes the limp body and places it over his arms, walking to the room to avoid upsetting him.

-What happened to him?

The question from the other man breaks the silence once they accomodate everything.

-I'm not entirely sure, we'll have to wait until he awakes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you doing okay, I'll join your suffering when my country decides I'm worthy of season 11.
> 
> Editing this small note to clarify that you actually give birth after a little less than six months of pregnancy -and probably that's a small fact no one cares about, but there it is.
> 
> Also, feel free to comment n.n


	5. I do remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean never thought a single question could cause all of this...maybe he should just shut up and be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is purely in Dean's pov.

...  
My breathing is agitated and I can't help the way my fingers twitch and my hands shake as I sit at the edge of the chair I've helped dad kill monsters and hunt ghosts but I've never felt like this before.

-Hey, uhm, Dad.

He looks at me over the table, riffle and cloth still in hand, making me gulp; maybe I could've chosen a better time.

-Yes, son?

Damn, I'm taking too long, he's going to be angry. I swear I'd rather go salt and burn an entire graveyard rather than doing this.

-I-I might be going out tomorrow.

The bed creeks a little, then gets quiet a second later, but she doesn't fool me, I know she's awake and hearing; I can tell she's cheering at me on her mind.

-You can go out, we still have a few days before going on this hunt, I'll take the time to teach your siblings how to use the knife and practice shooting.

Another small noise comes from the other side of the motel room, she's listening. She hates practicing shooting, she once hit a birth and dad cheered her, but she cried every night for two weeks because of it.

I nod before he grows impatient again, thankful that seems to be it.

-Thanks, Sir.

I'm about to leave when he holds the hand with the rag up.

-You know the roll, son. I don't care if you go out on a date, just tell me who, where and when you'll be back.

And...I'm screwed.

I can feel the rushing of blood reaching my ears as well as my heart pounding its way out of my chest and the sweat of my hands increasing.

-Uhm, I'm actually going out with a friend to eat some pizza. Nothing too late, I'll be back not later than 10.

I try to keep my composure and beg for him to just accept that.

-A friend? Who?

Crap.

-Lionel. He's, he's from school.

He turns his sight back to the gun.

-And you'll be going out, just the two of you?

I'm so screwed.

-Yeah, he's like, my best friend.

He sighs and leaves the things at the table.

My look wanders nervously around waiting.

-You can't go.

His statement is predictable, but that doesn't mean it hurts less.

-W-why? You just said I can go...

He stands and walks to hover over me and I can't help but feel small under him.

Why am I questioning him? I shouldn't.

-Well, I just said you can't. I'll need help with them.

Motioning towards the beds, his sight freezes and I turn. There's my little sister with her short light curls messed by the pillow she just left, standing there and staring at us -no, staring at dad.

-I think we can do it without Dean, Dad.

She looks so small on her nigh clothes -one of my shirts and Sammy's old sweatpants-, but her clenching fists and pressed jaw also make her look serious.

-I already told your brother he can't go, so he'll stay here and help me with you.

He's using his commanding voice and she doesn't even flinch.

I quickly make my way to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

I take deep breaths. I don't want her upset, I don't want dad to be angry at her; I should've listened, I shouldn't have asked.

-Hey, it's...

She doesn't turn, she just walks forward.

-No, don't say it's fine, 'cause it's not. Why can't he go out with Lionel tomorrow, Dad?

He's exasperated, I can tell, but does she even blink? No.

I'm scared and she's standing like she can do everything, a 12 year old girl braver than me...

-Because I say so. Now go back to bed, missy.

His words, the way he says them, they make me cringe and I step forward without thinking.

-Dad, calm down.

He loses it at this point and he's full on raging now.

-I won't calm down, Dean. I won't be having a discussion with you two about why under any circumstances I'm letting you go out tomorrow.

That hurts like hell, like someone is twisting something deep on my stomach.

I should give up, maybe he's right. Maybe the butterflies I feel nothing, maybe Lionel's just a friend and the way he looks at me is just because of that, I shouldn't want to go out with a guy and he shouldn't want to go out with a guy and he shouldn't want to go out with me, he probably didn't even mean it that way; and that shouldn't bother me, I only like girls after all...

But then, the smaller form beside me speaks again.

-So if Lionel was a girl, could he date her?

I turn to look at the green glare in shock and she looks back for a second, nodding to show the question wasn't only to him.

-That's not the case.

That answer is not enough and we all know it; the real answer on his mind is "Yes", that's why his words drip venom.

But why? Why does it have to be different?

Maybe it really doesn't matter, maybe it's okay...

His face is red, his jaw is stiffed and I know he's about to shout.

-Dad?

The sleepy voice makes our heads turn fast to its direction.

-Sam, go back to sleep.

She ushers him, sounding like a big sister.

He looks back at her, confused but squinting through his slumber.

-I can't, you're making noise. What's going on?

We don't know what to say, so the place is silent for a minute.

-Sam, go to sleep son; your sister and I have to run a few errand. Dean...

I'm froze even before he calls to e, a cold sensation flowing through my veins.

Please no, not again.

-Take care of Sam while we're out. Get dressed and let's go.

She clenches her fist, but nods.

-Yes Sir.

He doesn't even look at her, but she obeys, probably just doesn't want Sammy to hear her arguing.

I want to go behind her, to tell her not to listen, to stop her movements as she takes her clothes and shoves them on her duffle bag, to ask her to stay there when she heads to the bathroom to get ready and ask my father to stop this and leave her alone.

But I don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, once more!  
> Yes, that rhymed.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, I actually liked it.  
> This types of chapters will probably happen often because of reasons you might know next chapter.
> 
> Wish me luck once again, I have the biggest exams ever on Friday and I have to pass them.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment n.n


	6. Was it real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up, trying to make sense of his dreams and feeling slightly different.

...  
Dean wakes up with sweat on his forehead and a pain on the back of his head. There are two faces next to his bed, filled with worry.

-You're awake! Wait a sec.

His brother hurries outside and his sister stands as he sits up on his bed.

Her brow is raised and she takes a neck length strand and places it behind her ear with a smile.

-You scared the crap out of us, you ass.

Her voice sounds warmer now, not for the tone, but something more familiar.

The long-haired man returns, now more at ease.

-Cas is on his way, he's doing the finishing touches of your surprise.

That earns a gulp from the other, more out of nerves than real fear.

There's a small giggle to his right.

-Calm down, tiger. It's not that kind of surprise.

He shakes his head and turns to his lap, an ashamed smile on his lips. Then he recalls the dream.

Before he can speak, a small hand offers him a tall glass filled with a reddish pink liquid.

-Uhm...what's that?

The man standing beside her seems to not be amused by her actions.

-Relax, it's just a freaking Cosmo.

That answers both of them and he takes the drink, trying to ignore the girly of it.

As soon as he gulps at it, he scrunches his nose at the strenght of the taste, the smell of it evident too.

-How much vodka did you use in that?

She shrugs, snatching the cocktail -if you can call it that- and taking a sip of it.

-I don't know, like...a lot?

The other glances at her in amusement.

-Didn't these already come prepared?

She makes an affirmative sound with the cup again on her mouth.

-But it tasted like juice.

Both brothers laugh as she jokingly glares at them.

The uncommented subject returns again and the man sitting clears his throat.

-Hey, uhm, I had a dream about the fight you mentioned; but it was different from what I remember, you...

That catches the atention of the room and seriousness returns.

-You stood up for me, when dad...

Sam leaves out a breathy laugh.

-Yeah, she did that like all the time. She used to give him a hard time.

He places an arm around her shoulder and squishes her a little.

Dean's surpsised to know the dream was an actual memory, of something he's supposed to never have experienced.

-Wait, but how can you remember that?

As if those words were a prayer, the angel entered the room, a tray with a hamburger and a can of beer on his hands.

Realization downs on him, those are probably for him; his insides flutter and his lower lip trembles, having to bite it before they notice.

-He probably is adjusting to the soul he's on.

They all stare at him in confusion as he travels from the door to the unoccupied space next to the bed.

-What do you mean?

-The woman speaks up, looking at the dark haired.

-Yes, what travelled here was just a piece of his soul from the other plane.

That answer is delivered as something obvious and the angel sets the tray down.

Dean's cheeks warm-up, struggling to keep the smile small enough for it to be casual.

And failing miserably.

-Thanks Cas.

He dares to look at the man when there's no answer, catching a glimpse of a smirk and a light tint on his cheeks.

Then he makes the worst mistake, wait, that can't be right, one of the worst, and turns to his siblings who are standing side by side, both with their arms crossed over their chests and shit-eating grins on their faces.

His head starts to hurt again and he furrows his eyebrows.

-Perhaps we should take turns into talking to him to help his processing of things.

The angel's gaze is still fixed on him, not missing his every motion.

-Okay, uhm.

The dark haired interrupts the woman, looking at Sam now.

-Maybe Alex should start, since she's the biggest addition to him.

The whole room nods and Sam exists quietly. Cas takes a moment, giving the other man a warm smile that hides the words unspoken, before leaving, green eyes following him and looking at the door once he's out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone has a crush on Ca-as!
> 
> Hope you liked this small thingy, I think this is the last thing I wrote before ending my classes.  
> My exams are tomorrow and I'm dying with nerves, wish me luck!
> 
> Btw, I love Cosmos, but the prepared thingies really taste like juice and I usually end-up adding more vodka...woops.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment!


	7. Is this real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no escape of the feelings jam in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to take so long with this, I had to finish writing a kind of hard chapter and I took forever in doing the revision of this one.

The short haired woman hides a giggle and sits at the side of his bed.

-Making progress, aren't we?

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, feeling less confident of the words he has practically memorized over the years to qualm the questions he and others made him.

-Seriously, I'm straight.

The phrase turns just like the "I'm fine" 's and "slept like a baby" 's, more than usual, making it hard to believe, even for him.

She stares at him, causing him to wonder if all little siblings had bitch faces or just his.

-Sure, whatever you say. Hey, do you smell that?

The sudden change of subject and her confused face take him off guard, remaining speechless while waiting an explanation.

She approaches him, sniffing lightly, him doing the same.

-Oh, I think it's the oil of the lamp you insist on standing under.

And with the same easiness she used before, her face stops being serious and a wide smile spreads on her lips, reaching her eyes; the childish antique earning a glare form him.

-Funny...

She takes a step back and assesses him and in the same silent words he uses with Sam and Cas, she points out to him the food the angel brought him, the remainder followed by another from his own body when his stomach growls.

-Weird, we just ate breakfast.

His words are uttered under his breath, but still get a response from his companion.

-Try again, about three hours.

He stops chewing the bite of the hamburger, staring at it before setting it back on the plate.

-Crap, that's good...

That's another mumble -one barely understandable for the food he hasn't swallowed-, but before he gets another answer, he returns his attention to the woman in front of him.

-I was out for three hours?

She makes a face at him and the meat almost flying out of his mouth.

-Charming -sigh- Yes, you went all sleeping beauty on us.

He swallows as she talks, but chokes when he can almost hear the words on her eyes "We almost made Cas kiss you"; she was really pressing his buttons, but somehow they both know he would've been freaking out worse at some point, she was testing him...again.

Desperate to change the subject, he points to her change of clothes, a black and gray flannel, worn out jeans and heavy black boots.

-You had time to change.

She lets out a chuckle, shaking her head.

Once silence is back and she doesn't bring back the subject, he continues eating, swinging the bottle of beer a few times. But then it is too quiet and he glances back at her; her green eyes are studying carefully, not moving when they meet his.

-What?

She frowns, her arms crossing on her chest.

-How come you trust all this is real?

He contemplates the question, ending up asking himself the same and then shrugging.

-I don't know; something about all this is familiar in some weird way, even you. Guess it has to do with the whole "soul adjusting" crap.

But now he can't forget the question. Is this real? If it was a djin, there would probably be a few more changes on their lives.

She notices the hesitation and thinks for a moment.

-How 'bout I tell you something about you no one knows?

"I guess that would work" he says without a sound to her.

Was this going to be like that time he had to say out loud he wore panties once? Fuck, he hopes not.

She smiles at his face; "Crap, she knows". She nods, but stays quiet a little more.

-Is not that.

He lets out a relieved breath as quiet as he can, but it quickly hitches again at the prospect of something worse, wide eyes staring at her.

Ignoring his reaction she looks at the ground with a sympathetic look all over her face, taking air deeply before talking.

-There's a box under your bed...

She waits a moment, not returning her sight at him.

He nervously changes the weight on the mattress, knowing where she was heading.

-You have a few things there, but at the bottom there's a picture...

His throat dries, the moisture instead going to his eyes as he tries to blink it away.

Now she does turn to him, a comforting smile on her lips.

-It's a photo of Ben and Lisa leaning on a kitchen counter; Lisa's holding an apple pie in the middle. You took it on the birthday you spent with them.

He swallows, trying to drown the burning feeling on his throat and the wetness in his eyes. The memories of that day making their way to his mind.

...  
Birthdays never mean much when you have to worry about something hunting your ass or in general being on the road, but I don't do that anymore; no, now I have a job -an actual paycheck job- and a stable house, but still not understand all the fuss.

-C'mon Dean, you above all people should appreciate birthdays.

Lisa's sitting on the bed in front of me. She has been trying to coax me into accepting at least a dinner celebration.

I shrug.

-I just don't see the point of making a fuss of me not dying...

I wait a short moment, still long enough for her to notice and if it would've been either of my siblings, the word "again" would be there.

-...and growing old.

The few times I ever celebrated my birthday was when I wasn't with dad on a hunt and Sammy and Lex were old enough to check for a store to buy a pie and some cheap and silly decorations, but that's not the case, and hasn't been for a while.

She gets up from the bed, warm smile on her lips as she takes my cheeks between her hands and fixes her eyes on mine.

-Good thing you don't have a choice.

She pecks me on the lips and once she starts heading outside, I groan. She turns to me again when she opens the door.

-I hope I don't get that attitude when you unwrap your present later.

She winks and exists, leaving me gawking behind.

So maybe, for once I can care about something so...normal as a birthday celebration.

Knowing my hate for constant attention, she makes it small, just the three of us and a pie, some singing is involved, no candles -I'm glad for that.

In the middle of their giggles, I smile sadly, stealing a glance at the cellphone laying on the counter to my right and sighing.

...  
It's too late when he realizes he zooned out, a tear already halfway his cheek.

She's looking at her hands, moving her fingers nervously with a sad face right before glancing back at him with a small smile.

-Cas has been checking on them, you know?

His eyes widen, remembering his...friend -somehow the word doesn't seem right- attentions to Ben and Lisa even when assured him they were done.

She places a hand on his shoulder, letting out a chuckle.

-Even when his brain turned to mush, he would visit them every once in a while.

A sense of warmth spreads through him, feeling the need to hug his... -uhm- the angel.

He clears his throat, trying to change the subject to avoid the feelings that keep popping back even when he tries so hard to shut them down as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to add that caring Cas part there.
> 
> Happy fourth of July to the ones that celebrate it! And those who don't, Happy day!  
> I hope you like this chapter, I'll try to not take ages in uploading again.


	8. Being a Winchester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things family share...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Not dead! Sorry to take so long, it took forever to finish the chapter following this one and then I started taking classes so that I can finally pass an exam.  
> Hope you like it! I'll try to write more once all this is through.

The last thoughts of his dream come back and curiosity crawls again to him.

-Hey, uhm, where did dad took you that night? When Sam woke up.

She nods, "so that conversation is over then", and frowns a little, thinking.

-Bobby's.

They say it at the same time, a new memory suddenly making itself known.

-He did that a lot, huh?

She lets out a joyless laugh and shrugs.

-When I got on his nerves, mostly.

Through his mind flash memories of her, some as young as an eight year old and others as a fifteen year old, all of her picking her bag, swinging it over her shoulder and following John to the Impala with a roll of her eyes.

He feels a knot building on his stomach the more he remembers, the feeling of impotence he felt on each moment making his jaw clench; he should've done something, she was his little sister, he was suppose to take care of her.

-Hey, Dean. You okay man?

She's looking with concern at his face and as he snaps from his trance, his head hurts and he can feel drops of blood downing from his nose.

A napkin is pressed to the bleeding and he takes it, his sight clearing slowly from the fuzziness that had been building.

-Want me to call Cas?

He shakes his head and turns to her, the feeling of familiarity growing.

-I should've done something. Stop him at least once.

She seems to be shocked by his words. It wasn't news to her that her brother felt guilty for at least half the crap their dad pull off with them, but he had never spoke about most of it in all those years, preferring to stay silent and not risking the other Winchesters correcting him.

She stares at his green eyes, both noticing each other's sadness, but hers seems to grow as she shifts to another thought he can't locate -or doesn't want to- and shrugs lightly.

-It was better than the alternative...

Giving him a knowing glance, her pink lips twitch.

At first he had thought it was his fault, he had disobeyed or failed somehow, it wasn't like it happened a lot; the first time he lost the money they had for food, when that horrible Shtriga had almost killed his younger brother -thinking about it, the image of his sister lying unconscious  on the floor adds to that moment- and when Sam had ran away to Flagstag; though the memory of him screaming when he found out that field on fourth of July still sends chill down his spine and Bobby had been fuming with anger when he had talked about the way the man taught them to fight.

Most of those times -two out of three- the man smelled heavily like liquor, and to this day,  even as he stopped blaming himself, he didn't hold John accountable for what he had done to him; but now, getting the retrospective of the two ways the things could have gone for Alex, he was glad her fate had only been spend a few days with Bobby.

He huffs finally, not sure if hugging her would make a difference and shrugging instead, lifting the seriousness and successfully bottling the thoughts for later.

-I guess stubbornness comes with the last name.

She laughs, clearing her throat and looking from his beer still on the table to the forgotten glass that contained her drink before and then back at him.

-Yep, along with alcoholism, emotional constipation and tendency to die.

They both share a chuckle and then she points to his almost finished meal.

-How 'bout you finish that, clean some of that oil and come out...we'll have company in a few.

The choice of words and the tone she uses make his face grow red and his ability to find a good response is lost, leaving him gaping.

Retreating to the door, she opens it and turns once more with a cocky smile.

From his place on the bed, he can make out the outline of the gigantic shadow his brother casts on the floor of the hall, imagining Cas by his side with that worried look of his.

-Don't worry Dean.

She stifles a giggle as her eyes travel from the shadow on the floor to him; she's totally going to have to pay for this, but it might be worth it.

-The only one only attracted to girls here is me.

With a quick wink, she storms out of the room, slamming the door and laughing as the sound of her feet chased by another pair sound outside.

-You little shit! Why did you tell him?

He can guess by their actions and Sam's tone that even in this reality, Dean had no idea his little brother wasn't straight...

Well, shit.

So...Sam likes dudes...

He repeats the words in his head as he finishes his meal, downing quickly what's left of the beer and taking his stuff to shower.

Even when the news of his brother shock him, he finds it easy to tell himself his issues are his alone and if a guy makes him happy, so be it.

His mind stops there; why was it so easy to accept that for Sammy but not for himself?

Why does he feel so weird for reacting the way he does around Cas?

Pushing the questions and the addressed reactions to the very bottom of what he kept buried had become harder through the years and now it seems nearly impossible, but he forces it there and it seems to work -at least for now.

He tries to focus on Lex instead, on the things he has remembered about her. For some reason, the fact that she likes women doesn't seem tot be news, and the way the memories of her come starts to be more natural, as if completing a thought.

He tries to think of something more specific to have a full memory.

Alex. Sam.

The headache is smaller than before, and he doesn't feel any blood making its way down his nose yet. He steps inside the spray of water and leaves his mind to complete the puzzle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry-not-sorry for making everyone queer...
> 
> Just wanted to say again that I'm not John Winchester's number 1 fan, I don't think he was the most horrible person ever, but not a good father.
> 
> Also, I thought I was hilarious with my Winchester -sorry Adam- and closet jokes, I guess Alex felt the same way.
> 
> And, for last, I'll ask you this: Does Alex remind you of anyone?  
> I'll give you my answer in a few chapters -that I haven't written.
> 
> Fell free to comment!


	9. Everyone leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess it could have been worse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning: This chapter has some violence -not more than Supernatural usually has.
> 
> I took too long, but this chapter was kinda hard and life is hard too.  
> Anyway, here goes a longer, filled with feels and sadness, chapter from Dean's pov.

...  
The cold air of the night bites my cheeks as I stare at the opened window of the worn out house, the smell of humidity and rotten wood somehow makes me relax in contrast with the usual hard to detect stink of the motel rooms we often stay on.

The door of our room opens and the short blonde steps with a worried frown on her face as she walks to me.

-What's up, asshat?

She smiles a little to me and I mimic her.

-Up for you? Practically everything.

Her answer is a roll of eyes and for a moment I forget the worry I feel for my brother. But then, she sighs and stand next to me, watching the darkness outside.

-He won't talk to me, he's just...sitting there with a paper in his hand, he only moved when I tried to see what it said.

I nod, pulling her to my side; she leans into my shoulder and we just stare in silence the stillness of our surroundings while feeling the tension growing. Something very bad's about to happen...

As on cue and right when I open my mouth to talk, Dad storms inside, the smell of the house mixing with the strong essence of alcohol coming from him. 

He stumbles inside and I rush to help him sit on an old chair that makes a screeching sound when he lands on it.

-You should already be sleeping, Dean.

His tone is calmer than usual and his glossy eyes still seem to focus on as he turns to speak to me.

Again, right before I talk, Sam exists our room and steps in, clutching the folded paper with a shaky hand and a small quivering smile on his face.

-Hey guys...

His voice sounds nervous, losing itself by the end and his eyes focusing on each of us before resting on the wooden floor below.

Our sister walks closer to him and in silence asks him what's wrong, but he ignores her, walking toward us.

-I, uhm, I need to talk to you.

He stares at the letter and takes some deep breaths.

Dad sits straight on the chair and we all wait.

-I...I got into college...

My heart stops, but at the same time I can hear its beating on my ears and I'm afraid I might be breathing too loud or not at all.

I look to my right and it's almost in slow motion that our father's expression sobers up and he's standing, frown deepening and lips tensed.

-You what...?

His icy tone makes everything move at normal pace now.

A tight sensation starts to build on my chest and I realize I definitely haven't been breathing, but once I let out the breath, I have to fight the urge to suck more air too fast. I want to look away, to look at the soothing glance I feel my sister directing at me, but I can't.

Meanwhile, Sammy's staring at Dad, probably wondering what he did wrong and fearfully pointing the document -his acceptance probably.

-I...got into college, Dad. I-not any college...I got into Stanford, Dad.

By the end of that phrase, the excitement makes itself known.

Fuck. Stanford.

I don't have to be a genius to know that's big, I know Sammy deserves it, but...

-And why are you telling me that, Sam? You know you can't go. Why did you even apply to that dammed thing?

His voice is so sure, so final.

I want to interfere, stop this, say something, anything.

The heart-broken look in Sam's face feels like a stab right in the chest.

-Dad, this is Stanford, it's a chance of living, of helping people without weapons; normal people, normal lives. Don't you see that?

Tears are gathering in his eyes and he sounds as if he is begging.

Suddenly, our father spits on the floor, getting closer to Sam and burning holes in him.

I just want this to stop.

-I don't give a shit about "normal" people and their "normal" lives. We save people, Sam, we save them from more than taxes and coughs; we fight what threatens them every day, without them even knowing about it.

Now there are strings of water falling from my little brother's eyes, but there's also anger.

-Don't act like this is for people, this is for you, for you and your sick obsession.

For a moment, he seems taken aback by the harsh tone, but recovers enough to bark back.

-I do this for your mother! Or what, you forgot? Your mother's dead and one of this things killed her. Do you remember that, or you just don't care?

The pain grows, he shouldn't have mentioned Mom, not like that.

I see my sister stepping between them too late; Sam's fist connects with Dad's cheekbone and it sends the man stumbling backwards and almost to the ground.

-Don't bring Mom into this, don't you dare.

A single small hand pulls him away.

I want to step in, say something, scream something, do something, but I just feel like the useless spectator of a horror movie -worse, I could deal with that-, trapped inside my head and begging, shouting without interfering on what's happening.

-For a god-dammed time, leave your brother fight his own battle, Alex.

The exasperated tone comes from the now steady man in front.

Sam steps forward, leaving our sister behind.

-Dad, I'm going to college, I am. You can't stop it.

Like that, the other charges to him, slamming him to the wall behind and the sound of wood screeching makes a song for the horrible dance unfolding. Dad lands two punches on Sam and the later hits his head against the other's nose, kneeing his gut and making him land on the floor, giving two more hits.

Spitting blood, the older man smiles lightly.

-This is who you are, Sam. This is your family, this is who we are.

Shaking his head, my brother stands up.

He makes his way to our bedroom without a look to us.

-Maybe I don't want to be part of this family anymore.

No.

He can't mean that, right?

H-he couldn't...just...no.

Time seems to stop and I feel I almost can't stand and my sight gets blurred, both from tears and a strange fog; I can hear my loud cries, but at the same time there's a tightness in my chest telling me I'm holding my breath again.

Then the world starts speeding and through the fussiness and watered eyes, I can make out Sam walking out of the room, his already packed duffel bag on his shoulder.

Please turn around, please tell me it's gonna be okay, tell me it's okay...

My lips move, trying to call for him, but no words come out, just small and too slow breaths.

Just turn around, Sammy...

He's shaking as he reaches the door.

Dad steps forward.

Please don't walk away on us.

-Don't you dare walk away from me.

The tone is so strong I feel my body clench even if I can't control it.

My sight becomes fuzzier, I want to stop him, I want both to just stop.

Don't walk out Sammy, please don't.

-You walk out that door, don't you ever come back.

Those are the final words, that's how I know I lost my baby brother...

He storms out, not looking back.

Fuck.

Quick steps reach Dad and the small figure clenches her fists.

-Aren't you going to stop him?

The man huffs, turning to lock his green eyes with hers.

-He made his choice, Alex; he left us.

Those last words start to feel true; my chest hurts and the blurriness won't go away.

She shakes her head.

-Then get him back.

She spits the words out, burning stare fixed on him.

Then she goes to the door, shoving Dad and barely moving him.

Is she...is she leaving too?

No, she can't be, she wouldn't.

The sinking feeling grows until the point I'm not sure how I'm still breathing.

I can see Dad turning his back to the door, a tired look on his features, taking a rag from the table and wiping the remaining blood off his mouth, sitting down on the chair; he turns at me -crap- and talks, or at least I think he does, I can only see his mouth moving and his brow deepening when I don't answer.

Words don't come out of my mouth, but I feel it opening and my lips trembling.

The fog grows thinker, darker, and soon I just see black. I panic, I try to see through the darkness, to hear, scream. I concentrate on trying to smell the humid wood, the creak the floor makes when I step on it, the cold on my skin, but I can't; everything's gone and everyone left, there's nothing.

It feels like forever until I feel it, something slamming against me, a warm, yet refreshing air surrounding me and I suck in a deep breath, as I let it out, I start to hear, feel and smell all around me little by little. Then I notice my wet cheeks and I hear myself sobbing.

I step back and look at her. "Don't do that ever again!", she nods and smiles, sniffing away her own tears.

-Pick your stuff up.

The icy tone sounds and Dad stands up, burning holes into her head.

"Don't leave Lex, please" I look at her, begging. I know this isn't fair, I can't ask her to stay, I should stand up for her...

-No, Dad.

Her voice is shaking. I try to move her, to get in front, but she won't let me.

He steps forward.

-Don't make this harder Alexandria, get your stuff and let's go.

I hold her tighter, risking a look at the angry man facing us, but not able to catch his eyes. She turns around slightly, shaking her head.

-Dad, I'm not leaving. Sam already left, we don't need this right now.

That's when he glances at me, something deep inside softening for just a second before the whole expression hardening again and a sigh leaving his lips.

-Go get some sleep, we'll search for a new case tomorrow.

His voice is calm, almost comforting, but not too much.

He turns his back on us and lays down on the couch.

We go back to our room and get on our bed without changing clothes or turning the lights on.

The place feels emptier when my sight falls on the makeshift bed I had been sleeping on; when I look back at her, she's also fixed on it. Without any other word, she gets up, pulling the thin mattress of her bed to the floor, moving to mine and doing the same with it, throwing our pillows and covers on top.

-Get your ass down here.

I smile at her and do as she says.

She's on her back, starring at the ceiling and I'm on my chest.

-You know, I can't wait until the day we hunt something really stupid; I mean, ghosts and all that crap is kind of scary and awesome, but I want to work on a case one day and find out it's something like a freaking fairy or a damned rainbow pooping unicorn.

She giggles and I smile.

-Dude, it'd be awesome to fight that crap with the power of love or something.

There's an overall nice feeling in hearing her talk and laugh without having to speak myself.

-I know I'd be screwed if we fought a nymph. I mean, those chicks are supposed to be hot as hell, she'd be the death of me.

I close my eyes in amusement and shake my head.

-I mean it man, a cute, sexy girl that according to the stories, spends her time dancing naked on a forest? Sounds like a good enough way to go.

She nods dramatically and I agree with her, doing the same.

I start to feel my eyelids close and I fall asleep while hearing her talk and chuckle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I passed my bloody exam at last!  
> Also, finally finished watching season 11, no spoilers, but I cried -no spoilers on that either because I always cry.  
> And I'm preparing myself to celebrate Supernatural day! I'll try and update then or at least write something for that day, even if it doesn't have to do with this story.
> 
> I didn't want to make John just an ass, because I know he isn't, hope you could tell that.  
> I worked really hard on this chapter, so I hope you liked it.  
> Leave comments if you feel like it.


	10. Years have passed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things don't need an explanation, others deserve one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so very sorry!  
> It took so long for me to:  
> 1\. Correct so many things I didn't like about this chapter and the next.  
> 2\. Have the brains and time to correct said things.  
> 3\. Have time to even breathe, let alone write this from my notebook to my laptop.  
> But here it is at last, still not the best and maybe feels like a filler, but I already have at least four chapters more, so I hope I take less time to upload those, will try my best to have it today or tomorrow.

Dean opens his eyes and rinses his face from the burning feeling on them and the small lines of blood on his nose, taking his time to finish washing and wondering how much time he was out upon seeing the wrinkles on his fingers.

Exiting the shower room, entering the honey scented bedroom -remembering the weird look his brother had given him when he bought the candle the first time they went for basic supplies and the stupid pat on his shoulder afterwards-, he quickly puts on a pair of dark jeans, his usual combat boots, finishing with his black henley, taking a small moment to fix his hair.

Sighing, he rubs his eyes once more and heads outside.

About two steps later, he runs into his brother, concern visible on his frown.

-Hey man, I was looking for you in case you were knocked out again. You okay?

His eyes roam his face, still wearing a frown.

Dean wishes to laugh it off and keep walking but the words get stuck in his throat at the sight of his little brother; he’s here now, that night happened years ago and now they were all together, a family.

He pulls him close, hugging him tight, patting his back twice.

When they separate, Sam`s vision is fixed on the floor, nervousness obvious on him.

-Uhm...if this is about before, I...

His left hand goes to scratch his neck, still not meeting his companion.

It takes a moment for it to click inside Dean`s mind, vehemently shaking his head once it does, reaching his right hand to the other man`s shoulder, making him return his gaze and maintaining a serious face to assure him of his next words.

-Sammy, we’re family. I know I’ve pulled some dick moves, sometimes a lot of them -his throat closes- some very recently, but don`t ever think I`ll judge you for something like this.

At first it`s hesitant, the “recent” parts still sensitive, but a small smile ends up setting on both, they hug again for a couple of seconds more.

When they look at each other, Dean has a serious face and eyes, the kind that reminded Sam he`s his older brother.

-If any dude dares to hurt you, you tell me and I`ll rip their lungs out.

That brings another smile to his little brother, he would have one too if a bigger issue wouldn’t press at his mind right then.

-Hey, uh...can I ask you something?

“Sure man, anything” the other tells him with a nod.

Dean takes a deep breath, hoping his words won’t make his brother uncomfortable specially after what he just mentioned.

-What did Lex tell you when...when you left for Stanford?

The words are formulated carefully, but the man still fears a bad reaction from the other.

Sam`s brows meet as he remembers the night -specifically the not so horrible part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, comment if you wish and I hope you have a nice day/night/life.


	11. Just one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you just need one person, or one chat, or one word, to know it might never be okay, but it's not going to be bad forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I took longer than expected due to stuff, but here it is! Sams POV!  
> If you could see the draft of this, it has pen scribbles, pencil scribbles, pencil written paragraphs in the corners and margins, even arrows to rearrange sentences oh and scratches, because my cat is a jerk to my notebook, not so far from usual mess, but it still took a little longer than when I just copy it.

...

-Sam, wait.

I hear her voice and it immediately pulls me back, easing my breathing, but I’m still too pissed.

A strong blow of wind hits me as I stop and turn to her, the shiver the cold produces making my words shake.

-Forget it, Lex. Not going back inside.

I start walking to the empty street again. Before I get much further, I feel a slim hand turning me around.

-Dude, seriously.

There are tears in her eyes shinning with the light coming from above, her -as usual- too big clothes make her look look even smaller; she’s shivering.

I try to hold her, to comfort her and stop the cold that already has marked her cheeks and nose in red, but she pushes me away, shaking her head slowly.

-Don’t. This is not about me.

She tries to give me the face she always uses to get into “big” sister mode, but I’m done being treated like a kid, specially considering she’s younger me, so ignoring her hand still on my chest, I pull her to me and hug her.

I’m not sure who starts to cry first but before long, we’re both sobbing; I can feel her tears on my chest and I’m sure she feels mine on her head, both of us clattering with cold.

It seems like this is the first time we’ve actually seen each other cry, at least without the urge to cut ourselves off quickly; but as that thought reaches my head, the realization of this being the last night I’m going to see her comes too.

I try to calm down, breathing still shaky when I talk to her.

-It’s okay, it’s okay.

She starts sniffing back her tears and lifts her gaze to me.

-No it's not...Just, don’t be a stranger. Promise me.

The last two words are pointed, clearly aware of my last train of thought.

But I know too well I can’t promise her that.

-Alex, Dad wouldn’t...

The hard look she gives me, interrupts me.

-When have I ever cared about what Dad doesn’t want me to do.

Of course, that elicits a smile out of me with a small sense of pride; never, out of the three there’s only one that listens to everything our father says...

Dean.

The spreading feeling of sadness starts growing inside of my chest, we both know he’ll hear him, obey him.

-He can’t help it.

She’s looking straight at me, a sad expression in her face too.

I half smile, not sure if at this point it looks more like a wince, and nod slowly.

-Yeah, I promise.

Surprise shows on her features, then that smile of hers appears, teeth half showing, lips extended on the right corner and raise eyebrows.

-Double promise?

She uses the most sweet and childish voice, making me chuckle.

-You got it, munchkin.

Getting on her tip toes and pulling me, she gives me a kiss on the cheek which calms down the guilt and anger still making my heart uneasy; she then looks at me and breathes deeply.

-You better have good grades or I’ll go there and kick your ass, okay?

After a small laugh, she turns serious again.

-I’m proud of you, Sam, really proud.

With a quick hug, I walk out into the road, a burning feeling in my eyes and chest; planning to hitch a ride and maybe get some sleep.

...  
Dean doesn’t respond when his brother finishes telling him all the somewhat still painful details; the said burning feeling in his eyes from then returning as he can see them getting red rimmed.

After a long pause, Sam assesses him carefully.

-You okay, man?

Taking in a long breath as he answers, he nods.

-Yeah, fine.

It’s not exactly a lie, for them “not fine” means another apocalypse coming and/or their small stitched-up family decreasing again, so yeah, he can say “fine”.  
With a silent agreement, they both start walking towards the dining room where he assumes the other two are waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, I'm going to try and upload soon, but I have to do a few things, including watching Spiderman Homecoming again but this time in proper English -the tickets were sold-out for it last time-  
> Leave a comment about the fic or just tell me if you already watched Spiderman and if you liked it and I hope you have a good day/night and life n.n


	12. It's not just about the pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many feels I can cram into just pie? You'll be surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!
> 
> It's been a lovely week, I was actually going to update sooner because I just recieved my acceptance letter from College, but I didn't wanted to post without having a new chapter written, so here you go, a chapter that could've been so much shorter if I wasn't a big sap.

Arriving to the room, they find the small woman humming something while holding a huge book in front of her face -and almost half her torso- that reads in gold “Enochian words, prayers and spells” on its brown cover.

-Some light reading?

The tallest man approaches her and she leaves the book on the table.

She shakes her head and makes an exaggerated pout.

-Cas is being a meanie and won’t translate a word he said while you were gone.

Steps come out of the kitchen and the angel appears, holding a tray covered by a lid.; he shakes his head, leaving the dish on the table.

-I doubt you’ll be able to find it there, specially because the word wasn’t enochian.

With a loud groan, the woman slams her head on top of the book, making them laugh.

-What do you have there, Cas?

The usually very low voice rings softer, signaling the concealed tray and looking at the man.

Ignoring the raised eyebrows of the two youngest Winchesters, angel and hunter stare at each other for a moment before remembering the question.

-Oh, it’s...

The lid lifts, showing a gorgeous and steaming pecan pie that leaves Dean both breathless and wide-eyed.

After a minute, his eyes lift from the dessert, fixing themselves on Cas’s and looking at him with the same awe.

The feeling he’s tried so hard to swallow makes itself known once more and he can’t stop it, not able to break contact with the other; when the warmth starts to spread, Castiel blinks fast, turning his head away and to their companions.

But it’s until two small coughs sound that the man stops gaping.

-You see Sam? That there is the way we look at people in a completely platonic way!

The sarcastic voice is followed by a snicker from the addressed.

Dean glares in her direction and she shrugs.

The pie calls for his attention once more and the pan is pushed in front of him with a fork on its side.

He clears his throat, running his tongue through his lips.

-I uh. Thanks Cas.

The sincere tone was left in the air when a long arm reaches to the angel’s waist and pulls him to the side.

-And he cooked everything from scratch. No mojo involved.

The last words have his brows rising, so he takes a bite of the dessert with caution.

Immediately he can feel his mouth filling with liquid, the crust melting and the filling had just enough texture and sweetness.

After a few seconds, he notices his eyes are closed; when he opens them, all looks are fixed on his face.

He swallows, his thoughts clearing. Has he ever tried any of Cas’s bakery? He assumed maybe he had only helped to make the hamburger from earlier, but now he wasn’t so sure.

A vague image of the angel’s confused face with a patch of flour on his left cheek presents itself, making him smile.

-It’s amazing Cas!

There’s over excitement in his voice, but he nearly doesn’t care.

Castiel’s cheeks show a light tint, almost as small as the smile he shows.

-I’m glad you like it, Dean.

Taking another mouthful, the man smiles, crumbs framing his lips, resulting in two pairs of brows rising with a grin from the others.

-When did you learn to cook?

As far as he knows, the angel doesn’t eat -except for that one time Famine affected Jimmy Novak’s hunger- and had mentioned how his taste buds were different from human ones.

The answer doesn’t come from who he expects, but from his brother instead.

-You taught him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it, the way I have the chapters divided, next is even fluffier than this one -actual fluff with just a small amount of tease- and some crack.
> 
> Editing to add a fun-fact, I was actually baking some cupcakes while writing this on my computer...at 11 p.m.   
> Oh and if you care for such things or whatever, you could potencially follow me on twitter at @snowrosemberg but beware, I either only re-tweet stuff or post stupid thoughts about tv shows or movies.
> 
> Leave a comment if you wish and have an amazing day/night and of course, life.


	13. With a bit of flour and butter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's all worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry, it's been almost two months, but life has been really busy.  
> Still, I refuse to miss destiel day celebration, even if I'm arriving late to the party, here's some promised fluff -with a bit of extra added to it while editing.

...  
Flour, salt, sugar, cold water, butter...where’s the butter?

I turn around to voice my question and see it.

-Cas, don’t eat the butter.

I take the stick -that now misses a small chunk- from his hand and frown at him.

He looks at me with his big confused eyes.

-But you eat it anyway when the pastry is done.

I stare blankly at him, not sure if to laugh or not; he tilts his head and squints his eyes, making me smile.

-The process matters, Cas.

I place the ingredients in the bowl and take his hand, rolling the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows and giving a small tug so he gets closer.

-This is the easiest pie crust ever, just get your hands in there and mix it.

For a moment, he looks at his hands and then at the task, but proceeds to take the flour mixture and combine it with the rest slowly.

I turn to one of the compartments where rabbits one and two keep their organic fruit and what not to take a few apples for the filling.

When I return to the counter, the angel is cleaning his fingers frantically; I need to take a moment before walking to him and help him take the bigger chunks of mixture.

-Wash the rest in the sink.

He does as told, even taking the dish sponge and scrubbing his hands with it. After he seems satisfied, I give the towel to get dry.

-I find that process untidy.

A chuckle comes out of my mouth and it makes his face turn to me with furrowed brows.

-Sometimes a little sloppiness is worth it.

He smiles, looking straight to my eyes; suddenly all I see is blue and all I notice is him slowly getting closer, too slowly.

-That’s true.

Flashes of all those hours in Purgatory run around my head, all that frantic search and all that killing just to find this damned stubborn angel.

Quickly turning away when I notice his hand an inch away from mine, I take a small amount of flour in my fingers, pressing it on his right cheek.

-Shut up.

His face looks confused as he tilts it to the side, starring at me still.

I approach him now, cleaning a small part of the white patch with my thumb. A smile stretches through his face again.

Then I’m not sure who starts growing closer to the other...

-We’re hungry!

I jump in my spot when I hear the voice of my sister screaming in the other room.

They both have to freaking stop doing that!

I clear my throat and take a step back.

-Let’s keep teaching you how to make pie.

...  
Of course he frigging taught him!

Dean has no idea how long he zoned out, but he can tell his blush is probably noticeable, judging by the heat he feels in his cheeks.

-You okay there Dean?

The seriousness of the inquiry breaks with the huge grin on Sam`s face.

Decided to ignore whatever comments his siblings make, the man takes the fork once more, pointing the dessert with it.

-This is really good Cas. The hamburger was delicious too.

But he wasn’t ready to meet the other`s gaze; there’s too much warmth, the sentiment from his memory is too fresh.

-...r-right guys?

On a desperate attempt to win some time to calm down, he calls for the others. But both hunters are mesmerized by the clearly flustered man in front of them.

The tallest man is the first one to utter a response after coyly raising his eyebrows.

-Actually, I ate a salad...

He quickly turns to his sister and she starts to stutter an answer.

-I-I don’t ea...

Another quick memory flashes and it takes only that to distract him

-You don’t eat meat?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to promise to update soon because I'm not sure I will be able, but I'll try.
> 
> Again, my twitter is @snowrosemberg if you care, I'm usually more active there than anything else.
> 
> Add a comment if you want to and have a lovely night/day and of course, life.


	14. Trying my patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean giving 10/10 dad vives and challenging Cas' constant confussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, maybe this is not the best, I feel it's mostly one line sentences and dialogue, but it was pre-written and I tried my best to edit it and make it a bit better.  
> Hope it's not so bad.

Crap.

All the humans in the room look away from each other -with a more dramatic air than truly needed.

-You healthy eating rabbit traitor.

With those words, everyone’s panicked stances shift completely; but the oldest hunter keeps his in face a mix of annoyance and resentment.

-How an you call yourself a hunter?

Now she can’t help scrunching up her brows and smirk.

-What does that even have to do with literally anything? Do we have to hunt for breakfast now?

The man shakes his head, a feeling of déjà-vu on the back of his mind.

-I mean, I can deal with health freak over there, but you have no excuse.

At the obvious mention of him, the young man raises his hands while backing dramatically; shaking his head with amusement.

-Dude, I’ve seen my fair share of meat and guts on the job. I don’t even know how you two have the stomach to eat anything that looks like it.

She had a point, he knew it, but the word “bacon” was enough argument for Dean.

-You need protein! How do you even survive on the road?

A snicker escapes Sam’s mouth and he takes a step closer.

-Eating a ton shit load of cheese and fries.

With an annoyed shove to her brother, the woman crosses her arms on her chest.

-Well, at least I don’t have to evacuate the building when I do it.

That brings laughter to both the oldest and youngest Winchesters; the other glaring at them with color coming up to his face.

Before the conversation goes any further, the sound of the heavy metal door echoes through the room.

Castiel steps next to Dean in time to stop his hand from reaching the gun tucked in the back of his pants, his touch lingering for a few seconds.

-It’s okay Dean. It’s just Kevin and Charlie.

When he hears those names, his eyes go wide open and he rushes to the stairs; smiling immediately at the sight of his friends.

-What’s up bitches!

The redhead calls for them, joy in her voice as she approaches them. Her sight then falls on the whole group now in front of her.

-...and Alex...and Cas.

With a small giggle, the oldest Winchester wraps his arms around her, holding her tight and in silence; a few moments later he does the same with the prophet.

-Hey guys.

He waves at the rest with his head barely peeking from the man’s shoulder.

When the two newcomers are free, they rush to hug the rest of the group.

-What are you two doing here anyway?

Both look at him for a second, then turning to each other, and then to the others, who just nod almost at the same time.

-We live here.

They say it at the same time, careful tone in their words.

Realization comes to the man when he catches the stare everyone is giving him.

-I’m cool, don’t worry.

A sigh of relief crosses the room. Everyone calmer but still quiet.

-So where did you guys go?

The two seem to brighten further, pride showing on their faces.

-Hunting.

The redhead says it with such joy in her voice; the other agrees with her with the same emotion on his face. But Dean can only feel one thing.

-What?

Panic.

-You two went hunting? On your own? What the hell? Why the hell?

The last question -that was more like an exclamation- is directed to his siblings.

Confusion fills their faces; for a second, Cas’s tilted face distracts him, but just for a second before he forces himself to focus.

Sam is the one who takes a step forward, waving his hand to calm his brother.

-Dude, they have been learning to hunt for more than a year; they kinda know what they’re doing.

More than a year? But he was in Purgatory, and Sam...

-And it was just a ghost hunt. I wouldn’t let them go if it was anything bigger.

Alex pipes in, sounding almost offended.

-Though it’s a downgrade from Leviathans...

Dean raises his eyebrow at the young man’s choice of sentence. Charlie reaches for his shoulder before he gets scolded like the others.

-Not that we’re complaining. Right Kev?

Noticing his mistake, the other agrees immediately with a stammer.

-Right, right. This is way better.

Two questions pop into his mind, but he chooses to ask the more pressing one first.

-Wait, did you take Baby on a hunt? On your own?

Now it’s true panic that appears on the young so-called hunters.

-Of course not!

-We would never!

They say it at the same time and as fast as they can. Dean gives them a look that says: “Yeah, you better not”.

-They took the Roadrunner.

Immediately, the man tilts his head -similar to someone else- and turns to the blonde.

-The what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still, surprisingly, alive. Semester is "done", but I still have to hand in papers and do exams in January -joy...- but I will try and make time to upload at least another chapter before that.
> 
> i'm so excited about the Roadrunner scene coming next because it really is my favorite car ever -sorry Baby- and you will have a huge clue on a small twist on the next chapter.
> 
> Leave a comment if you'd like to.  
> Enjoy your Holidays or just your days!


End file.
